


I Thought You Were Normal

by sentimental_boy



Series: Eggsy Unwin shorts [2]
Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempted Kidnapping, F/M, Hospitalization, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, mentions of human trafficking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2020-06-28 08:44:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19808785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sentimental_boy/pseuds/sentimental_boy
Summary: You and Eggsy were celebrating your second anniversary when things take a turn for the worst. You've known what Eggsy does for a while now, but soon, you're swept up by Kingsman, while you wait for Eggsy to wake.





	1. Chapter 1

"I can't believe it's been two years." You remark, walking arm and arm with Eggsy.

"Does it seem shorter or longer to you?"

"It's flown by, but I know two years isn't a lot in the long run. I know we know each other by now, but think of how many years we have ahead of us. How we'll look back on today and reminisce about how young we were and how little we knew." When you look over at him, he has the sweetest little grin on his face as he stares at you with that piercing gaze of his. "What?"

He looks down, grin still resting on his face. "You want to be together that long?"

"What? Of course. Eggsy, why would you think I wouldn't?"

He shakes his head. "I didn't think that but we haven't talked about it either." He squeezes your hand. "I want that too."

You lean in and kiss him. "While we're talking about things we know but haven't said yet, I've never felt this secure in a relationship with anyone else. It takes a lot for me to trust someone as implicitly as I do you."

"I'm glad you feel that way. I know I'd trust you with my life."

The universe must be playing a joke on you, because as he says that, a man walks past you on the street, sticking Eggsy in the arm with a needle, emptying the syringe into his bloodstream. Two more men come out of an alley, grabbing at you. Eggsy lets out a slurred cry for them to leave you alone. He stumbles as he takes a step forward to fight them off, but he ends up falling forward. You can see his eyes blinking heavily from his spot on the ground as he writhes— trying to get up, you assume.

As much as it hurts to see him like that, though, you realize that you might never know if he made it through this if you don't fight. _You_ might not make it through this if you don't fight. Right now. So, you use the self-defense maneuvers you learned as a teenager. You have to take a second to think about what they were. You force your body into a false sense of calm, but you let yourself start crying. If they think they've won, you have a minute to collect yourself. So you take that minute and make the most of it. You honestly don't know how you do it. They must not be well trained. But soon enough, you've assessed the weak points of the man's grasp, forcing your way out of his hold. You don't have time to celebrate the victory, though, because he's coming back at you, along with the other two men. You pull the stun gun out of your purse and go for the neck of the closest man. In the time it takes to get one down, the other two are on you. You're able to get one in the ribs for a couple of seconds. It's enough to get him off you so you can move on to the one who grabbed you, but you weren't able to hold the stun gun to him long enough to keep him down. Thank fuck he uses his energy to scramble back into the darkness.

"Fuckin' bitch ain't worth it." You hear him mutter.

As you step over the unconscious bodies, trying to catch your breath, your mind goes back to Eggsy. You rush to his side, thanking any and every deity that may have had a hand in this, that he's still awake and none of the men tried to take him.

"Fuck, Eggsy, baby." You murmur as you flip him over and help him sit up so he's not laying in a puddle of his own drool on the pavement. "You're going to be alright. I'm calling an ambulance." You prop him up against the wall of a building and let him lean into you. As you reach for your phone, he shakes his head. Forces out a _no_. "What the fuck do you mean, no? What do you suggest I do?"

He slowly reaches for your chest, patting it once he gets there.

You have to stop yourself from yelling at him that you don't have time for whatever he's trying to say. You take a breath and try to figure out what he's trying to tell you. Then you remember that night he confessed to you that he isn't a tailor at all. That necklace he gave you and made you swear to never take off has a number on the back you're supposed to call in the event of an emergency.

Because you're an idiot who didn't put it in your contacts already, you scramble for the pendant, struggling to read it in the streetlight. Far more slowly than you could've dialed 999, you could add, the line is finally ringing. Eggsy nudges you and points to his shoes. You're too focused on him to notice that someone picked up on the other end. "Yeah, yeah, oxfords, not brogues, I know. Save your energy."

As you tune back into the phone, a woman responds. "I'll transfer your call right away."

"I swear to Christ, Eggsy, if I get hold music, I'm hanging up and calling 999."

He only nods and sags against you. You don't have time to think about it anymore though, because a familiar voice picks up. Familiar, if only because you've heard it on the other end of Eggsy's phone so many times.

—0—

Harry gets a transmission of Eggsy's location at the same time his phone starts ringing from a number belonging to someone matching his girlfriend's name. "This is Arthur, what seems to be the problem?"

"It's Eggsy— Gary Unwin. He's been drugged, I don't know what it is. He's conscious, but he's hanging on by a thread. He's um— he can barely move. He told me to call this number in an emergency—"

Harry calmly says your name, getting your attention. "You did the right thing, help is on the way. Can you tell me what happened?"

"I— yeah, I guess." You take a breath. "We were on our way home when a man passed us on the street. We didn't think anything of it until it was too late. He stuck Eg— Gary with a needle and dosed him with something. He went down right away, and these two other men came out of the alley and grabbed me. I fought the three of them off. Two are unconscious nearby and one ran off."

"Are you concerned the one is coming back with more or that the other two will wake up soon?"

"Honestly I'm only concerned about— Garry right now."

He says your name again, not betraying anything he's feeling, only a soothing voice on the other end. "It's okay. We know who he is, you don't have to keep correcting yourself. Eggsy is my protege. In any case, a taxi should be pulling up any minute. The driver will repeat the code words to you, then medical personnel will help get Eggsy into the car. I've sent an agent to stay with you until we call you with news as to his condition."

—0—

The line goes dead as a taxi drives up. Before you can sputter out a protest at not being allowed to follow Eggsy, each of _Arthur's_ statements are coming true.

When the driver walks up to you, his voice sounds far away in the chaos. But you did hear the code words, so you let the other men who emerge from the car take Eggsy from you. You know that being petulant and holding him closer like you so desperately want to would only hurt him. It's as you're sitting on the pavement, glazed over eyes watching them take Eggsy away, that a fourth man approaches you. He's dressed to the nines but definitely has a different style than Eggsy does when he leaves for work. If you weren't worried sick and coming down from an adrenaline rush, you'd laugh at his bowler hat.

Agent Tequila can see clear as day that you're in shock. The detached way you watched them take your boy away told him that much. So he takes a seat next to you, scanning the area. "Don't know if I'm supposed to tell you about my shoes too." He leans in, conspiratorially. "Do I look like enough of a Kingsman to you?"

You shrug. "You came out of the right taxi, so I guess I'm supposed to trust you. You don't sound like one, for the record."

"Yeah, I'm from the American branch. Statesman, we call ourselves."

"What's up with your organization and not using the plural form of words when you're referring to a group? That has always driven me crazy whenever Eggsy says it."

He lets out a laugh. "I don't know. Starts sounding normal after you've been in it, I guess." He holds out his hand toward you. "Agent Tequila."

"I'm sorry, is that your stripper name?"

"Can be, if you want." He winks.

You roll your eyes. You'd call him out for flirting with you right after you almost got kidnapped. When he's supposed to be making you feel safe. Not to mention that your boyfriend might be dying, for all you know. But you started it and you don't actually feel threatened. "I _want_ my boyfriend to be safe. God." You shake your head. "It's our anniversary tonight. We were supposed to be at home, together right now."

He nods, glancing behind him at the two unconscious men. "You did that?"

You shrug. "Yeah."

He whistles. "Those are some big guys. I thought they said you were a civilian."

"I am."

"You made those two guys piss themselves. Literally." He glances back again.

"Unfortunately, it wasn't from fear upon seeing my skills." You hold up the stun gun.

"Nothin' wrong with bein' prepared. Over at Kingsman and Statesman, we live and die by our gadgets."

"They don't sound too efficient if you're dying by them."

He lets out a humorless laugh. "Guess not." He knows he doesn't have to tell you that sometimes, that's part of the job, plain and simple. Knows that Eggsy balancing on the precipice of unconsciousness wasn't far from your mind as you said it. "Either way, you don't seem like the type to cry at home while something's going on."

"What else _can_ I do right now?"

He lifts a brow and looks behind him again. "What do you say about a little vigilante justice tonight?"

You follow his gaze, casting a dubious glance at the men. "What are you proposing?"

"Nothin' much. A little... interview, if you will. See what information they have. Take down something bigger?"

"It would give me something to get my mind off Eggsy."

"Sure would." He pulls a bandanna from his neck, over his nose and kicks one of the men awake.

—0—

One human trafficking ring location and two bad guys in jail later, Tequila's phone starts ringing.

"Hello?"...."Yes, sir. We'll be right over." Tequila looks at you. "Arthur said I could bring you to your boy."

"He's alright?"

"All he said was that it was a common drug, used to cause paralysis. As with most drugs, it's different for everyone. Lucky for your boy, Kingsman has a sort of vaccination for these types of things. Doesn't make us immune, but it lessens the effects. He's not awake yet, so we're going to have to wait it out. It has to work its way through his system— the next few hours will be hell for him if he wakes, but it's not lethal."

You let out a breath of relief. "Let's go."


	2. Chapter 2

When you get into his hospital room and see Eggsy under the harsh lights, it feels like a truck hit you. You want to break down and cry right there, but there's already a man sitting at his bedside. The crying will have to wait, then. The fact that another agent cares enough to be here, gives you some peace of mind about the organization that's constantly risking your boyfriend's life. The man turns around when he hears you let out a harsh breath.

"You must be the woman I was speaking with on the phone." His voice is as soft and calm as it was earlier.

"Yeah." You extend your hand. "You'll forgive me if I don't remember your name."

"Of course." He grasps your hand, giving it a firm shake before motioning to the empty chair next to him. "The name I gave you on the phone was my code name anyway. I'm Harry."

" _The_ Harry? Shit, Eggsy idolizes you. I should've known it was you when I walked in."

"I could say the same thing about you. Despite the circumstances, I'm glad to finally meet you."

"Yeah, you too." You pause. "I always figured we'd meet like this, as much as I didn't want to admit it. Turns out: it's not even thanks to his job that he's here. It's my fault." You let out a breath.

"Eggsy is a highly trained agent, he should've known better."

You look at him, livid. "What?"

"What?" He asks back, but it's not deflective, it's a challenge, nonchalant as it sounds.

"There's no way he could've known that man was going to drug him. He didn't even have time to act. Are you seriously blaming him for this?"

"No. But if he isn't responsible for what happened, how could you be?"

"I—" You sigh. "They weren't after him. They only drugged him to get him out of the way. They wanted me."

"I still don't see how that's your fault. They must have been planning much worse things for you, but you stopped them. You're not responsible for the evil in this world just because they set their sights on you."

You sit there, absorbing that for a moment. "Shit, I'm going to have to use that on him, aren't I?"

"Most likely, yes. As humans, we tend to be rather self-centered. Even— or some might argue _especially_ — when it comes to placing blame."

"You're really everything Eggsy says you are, aren't you?"

"I don't know what Eggsy says about me, but I can imagine he exaggerates."

You let out a breath. "I don't think so."

"In any case, I have duties to attend to, so I'll leave him in your capable hands. You'll tell him I stopped by, won't you?"

"Yeah, sure. It was nice to meet you."

"You as well."

You were so caught off guard by Harry's presence and his matter of fact statements about tonight that you completely forgot to ask further about Eggsy's condition. So, you take his hand and wait for him to wake up. It kills you to look at him and the various wires stuck into and on him. There's a machine next to him that looks like it's helping him breathe. You don't know how long you're sitting there, staring at him, before a nurse comes in to check on him.

"Are you his sister?" The nurse asks.

"No." You shake your head. "I'm..." You catch yourself before you reveal who you are to him. You remember Eggsy saying something about it being against Kingsman rules for him to date. The fact that Harry knows, doesn't mean you should go around telling people. "We're close friends."

"You must be very close if you're here."

You're not sure if the nurse means because you're sitting with him while he's unconscious and injured or because you're with him at a Kingsman hospital. Doesn't change the answer, though. "We are." You watch the nurse as he goes about his job, looking over machines, double checking charts. "Do you know what's going on with him? I was the one he was with when he got drugged. I need to know if he's okay."

"The doctor didn't tell you?"

"Haven't seen them. I got here like 15 minutes ago."

"Oh. Well, he's got a lot in his system. Thank... whoever— _whatever_ you're going to thank that it was only a paralytic. And he's been exposed to it in small doses already. He'll be able to move a little when he wakes up because of that. But because we had to hook him up to the ventilator, he won't be able to talk. I have a lot of agents panic and start tearing at chords. He won't be able to move that much, but he could still hurt himself. If you can calm him down long enough for me to get here and check him out— well, I know it's a lot to put on you, but it could help him a lot."

"Keep him calm, call you, got it."

—0—

You've been sitting with Eggsy for hours and you're _tired_. You got up this morning and went to work, your breaks filled with sweet texts, full of promises for tonight. After dinner, then he was going to take you home and show you exactly how much the two years you've spent together has meant to him. The clock mounted to the wall tells you it's 3:15. You should be at home, fast asleep in his arms right now. Instead, you're here, watching a machine pump air into his lungs. You sigh and glance around the room, looking for any spot that you could get some sleep. There's no couch, no futon. You don't even see a chair and an ottoman you could push together. Only these low backed wooden chairs. You try to move so you can lean against the plastic side of his bed but the armrests cut into your ribs that way. So, you move to face him again, resting your arms on the bed next to him and your head in the circle of your arms. It'll have to do because you're not leaving him.

You sleep horribly. You wake up about every hour and your heart breaks each time you lift your head to see Eggsy in exactly the same position you saw him last time. But you know it would hurt worse if you saw his panicked eyes, knowing he was awake, stuck like this. It's better he sleeps through it. You know you wish you could.

Apparently, you did, because one second you're lying with your head on your arms, your heart breaking for Eggsy, the next, you're waking up to a hand softly stroking your hair.

"Hey." Eggsy greets when he notices you stirring. His voice is rough from having tubes shoved down his throat.

You shoot up, your stomach in the ground and heart in your throat. "Eggsy? Shit, I was so worried."

"Hey, I'm alright, ain't I?"

"Are you?"

He nods. "Doc said everything came back, they identified the drug, long as I'm feelin' up to it, I'm good to go. They're gettin' my release papers now."

"Oh, okay."

"Are _you_ alright, love?"

You shrug. "I'm wiped out. Still trying to process everything. When did they take you off the ventilator?"

"Few hours ago. The doctor came by about 30 minutes ago."

"They didn't ask me to move."

"They were going to but I grabbed the nurse's arm when he went to wake you; asked as politely as I could with a tube down my throat if you could stay. You weren't in the way. Thanks for staying with me all night. I'll give you a back rub when we get home— you'll be needin' it, I'm sure."

"Eggsy, some asshole _drugged_ you. I'm not letting you do anything when we get home."

He shrugs. "Kingsman drugged me too. Part of the trainin'. Then Statesmen took me out with a drugged dart. Doubt it'll be the last time, either."

"Do you think you're helping yourself right now?"

He lets out a laugh at your question. "Guess not." He sobers up. "You know, both times, I thought I was going to die. This time, lookin' back, that should've gone through my head. It didn't. All I could think about was how I needed you to be safe."

"Well, now you have a taste of how I feel every time you walk out the door in that bulletproof suit."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up: a little more than halfway through, Eggsy has a dream that gets a little graphic. <^> will signal the beginning and end of the dream if you want to skip it.

Eggsy and you let out a breath of relief at the same time as you enter your home before looking at each other and laughing.

"Shit, Eggsy. We're so lucky we found this. _Each other_. A place with a person we can call home. I was so scared I'd lose you last night."

"Well, you didn't and you won't, because I'm good at my job."

You hesitate, but come out with it anyway. "I don't want to make you feel bad, but if some asshole on the street can catch you off guard, how do you manage in the field?"

"Lots of help." He states as he takes a seat on the sofa, holding out a hand to you. When you take it, he pulls you down to sit across his lap. "That, and in the field, I'm always prepared. I was out, having a relaxin' night with my beautiful girlfriend. Didn't think I had to be on guard. Should'a known better, I'm sorry."

You let out a breath in disbelief. Eggsy, baby, no." You kiss his forehead and run your hand through his hair. "Don't you dare even _think_ that this is your fault. I'm _worried_ about you. I would never blame you for this."

"I know you wouldn’t. And I know all the logical arguments, too. Don't stop me from blamin' myself. You might not have meant it like that, but you're right. I'm a Kingsman. I should always be aware. I thought we were safe." He can feel a lump form in his throat; swallows around it as he feels tears come to his eyes. "I thought me bein' there was enough to keep you safe." He knows his voice is shaking but he continues. He needs you to know he'll be better. "Won't make that mistake again, I _promise_. I can keep you— you're _safe_ with me, love."

You pull his head to your chest as he tries to keep it together. "It's okay, babe. I always feel safe with you. But you know that whether you can protect me doesn't factor into why I'm with you at all, right?"

That sentence hit him hard enough to turn the tears he was trying so valiantly to fight off to light aftershocks at the back of his mind. His body takes a second to catch up with his racing mind, soft gasps escaping as he sniffs. “Never thought about it like that. I— I love you so much, Figure it’s my job to make sure nothin’ never happens to you. Like with Daisy and my mum.”

“I know that about you and it’s sweet. Of course, you want your loved ones safe and would do everything in your power to keep them that way. Anybody who has experienced love in any capacity understands that. But it’s not your _job._ I don’t know if it’s because it _is_ your job to save the entire world, or countries, or cities on a weekly basis, or if it’s unsolicited standards of what a man should be, but if something were to happen to me, it wouldn’t be your fault. I don’t care if you were by my side when it happened. It wouldn’t.” He looks down and nods but you know he doesn’t agree. “Hey.” You take his face in your hands, stroking that beautiful jawline until he looks up at you. “I know if this happened to anybody else you would be agreeing that it’s nobody’s fault, so stop being so awful to yourself. You don’t deserve it.” You lean in and kiss his lips.

He hums into the kiss. “Don’t deserve _you_.”

“That’s not how this works and you know it.”

“Right. Well, we’re not going to sort out my self worth issues tonight, so let’s move on, yeah?”

“Alright. You know, speaking of placing blame, I met Harry last night and he said: You are not responsible for the evil in the world simply because it sets its sights on you.”

He swallows. “That is something he’d say. What else did you guys talk about?”

“That’s pretty much it. I came in, realized who was sitting by your bedside, said hello. Then I started talking about how this is all my fault.”

“What? _Love_ , why would you think that?”

“They drugged you so they wouldn’t have to fight you off. Thought I’d be easy pickings that way.”

“Fuck. That’s not— it doesn’t matter. Harry’s right. There is no way of looking at this where it is your fault.”

You raise a brow at him.

“Right, now I’m a hypocrite. We were moving on, yeah?”

“Yeah. Anything in mind?”

He takes a minute to deliberate but decides he needs answers. “I did want to talk about last night.”

“What about it?”

He sighs. “I um— it’s all fuzzy for me. Between the drug hittin’ me all at once like it did, then all that time in the hospital, I’m not too sure what happened. The way I fell, I didn’t see anything. I heard some prolonged fighting then I was back in your arms. I counted three men. Was there a good Samaritan who helped you or something?”

“No, babe. That was all me.”

He raises his brows. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah.”

“You took out three men by yourself?”

“Well, me and my stun gun. Yeah.”

“Shit, I thought you were normal. Anythin' else you want to share?”

“Not too sure what you’re getting at, Eggsy.”

“What type of trainin' do you have?”

“Nothing worth mentioning. I’m not some secret spy like you if that’s what you’re wondering. I took some self-defense courses as a teenager. You know I carry a stun gun. Didn’t take much, thank God. When the first man grabbed me, I let him think I was helpless for a minute, that he didn’t have to try very hard to hold on to me. From there it was easy enough getting out of his hold. Used my stun gun for the rest.”

“Well, I can't tell you how glad I am that you can defend yourself. Makes me feel a bit better.” He holds you tighter. “ _Fuck_. I don’t know what I would’ve done if I’d woken up in a hospital bed without you after that.”

“There’s no use thinking like that, babe. That didn’t happen and it’s not going to.” You think back to your impromptu interrogation with the two men you took out. You shudder at the thought of what they had planned.

Eggsy eyes you, noticing your face pulling in a way it does when you’re lying. “Love,” The endearment softens the blow of his tone. “What aren’t you tellin’ me?”

You bite your lip but decide that you don’t want to keep this from him. “You have all your spy shit packed away, yeah? The apartment isn’t bugged or anything?”

The furrow in his brow deepens as he frowns. “It’s just you and me. What else happened?”

“After the Kingsman took you to the hospital, they left agent Tequila with me. He saw that I’d be an absolute wreck until I heard news about you, so he proposed a way to keep my mind off it.”

Eggsy’s brows raise into his hairline. He bites down on his bottom lip, and his hands curl into fists. “Please, dear God do not say he tried to shag you.” _Or worse, you agreed._ His traitorous mind supplies. He knows you’d never do that to him.

“Jesus shit, no. I mean, there was a stripper joke but I instigated that. I mean come on, who came up with his codename?”

“Love.” It’s a warning. After everything, you vagueing about whatever this is has him about to lose his shit.

“Right. Sorry. So, the guys who attacked us were still right there so he woke one of them and we had a little chat.”

“A little chat, yeah? What the fuck does that mean?”

“We interrogated him until he gave up the location of a human trafficking base, then hauled him and his buddy to the police.”

Eggsy doesn’t know which part of this to focus on. The part where you stayed and talked to your attackers? The part where a Statesman assigned to protect you and keep you out of trouble not only allowed but _helped_ with this? The part where you were almost taken and shipped off for some sick fuck to do as he wished with you? Yeah, that last one is the part he can’t get over.

“Fuck.” He shakes his head, trying to get words out. “ _Fuck_.” He feels the tears coming back, so he pulls his hand up to cover his eyes. “ _That’s_ why they were trying to take you? They drugged me so they could turn you into _merchandise_.”

“You don’t think I was being reckless?”

He looks up at you, tears shining in his eyes. “Well, it's clear you can take care of yourself. Tequila was with you too. I don’t care if it was against protocol. I hope he put his glasses away so you two could inflict some real damage.”

“Unfortunately, if we had roughed him up too much, the police wouldn’t be able to take his confession. They— or their representation— would say that they were under duress.”

Eggsy curses.

“But we got them. They’re in jail, the police are looking into the new lead.”

“That’s better in the long run. Helps more people. I’m glad you could keep your temper in check. I wouldn’t have been able to.”

“Come on, babe. Let’s go sleep it off.” You stand, holding out your hand to him.

He lets out a breath. “Oh yeah, sleep it off. Of course, _‘it’_ , in this case, is an attempted kidnapping.” He can't bring himself to mention the rest. You both know very well what he's talking about.

You step closer, running your hand through his hair as he closes his eyes and melts into it. “Eggsy, I know this isn’t going to go away that easily but can we pretend that it will for a minute? Let ourselves believe for the rest of the day that everything will be fine when we wake up?”

“Right, I’m sorry.” He stands and takes your hand, following you when you make your way to the bedroom. “It’s shit that this had to happen on our anniversary. I mean, that it happened at all is awful but—”

“No, I get it. Makes you wonder if we’ll be able to celebrate next year.”

“Exactly.” He kisses your forehead as you sit on the bed. “Either way, I love you. More than anythin’.” He goes around to his side of the bed so he can snuggle up and pull you close. “I can’t properly express how relieved I am that I still get to hold you in my arms.”

“I understand. I didn’t know if you’d wake up for a while there. Or if you’d ever be able to move again if you did.”

“Still not quite back to myself. Reckon I won’t be for a while.”

“Not if you try to fight the doctor’s physical therapy order.”

He shakes his head. “Not even gonna try.”

“Good.”

—0—

Later that night, you wake to Eggsy muttering in your ear.

You press back against him letting out a soft, questioning hum.

It takes a minute before he starts up again. You don’t catch much of what he’s saying, only scattered pleas and murmured nos. Your heart breaks, hearing his voice reduced to a whimper like this. You try to turn around to face him but he pulls you closer in his sleep. You run your hand along his arm, squeezing his hand when you get there. When he lets out a whimper but doesn't wake, you free yourself from his arms so you can face him.

“Eggsy, baby, wake up.” You take his shoulder and jostle him a bit.

<^>

Eggsy’s heart is in his throat as he sags against the wall where your captors propped him up. His limbs are lead while his mind grapples for control. They didn’t bother restraining him— they knew the drug would leave him helpless. So, he’s forced to watch as they restrain and gag you, cutting your clothes off until you’re bare. The crimes these men are committing would be enough to drive him over the edge by themselves if this were a mission. He would make quick work of the sick fucks, just in time for a patronizing debriefing from Harry and Merlin about not letting his emotions get to him.

That’s if this was a mission. It’s not. These men took some of the most heinous crimes the world has to offer and promised to make it personal. The sight of you helpless in the worst possible way before him has a primal sense of dread settling in his gut. A tidal wave of anger peaks with nowhere to go in his paralyzed body, only to crash and spread through him in an ice-cold feeling of utter _uselessness_. When the door opens and a greasy man walks in, eyes roving over your body, that dread rises again, to be followed by the same cycle he just experienced. If his heart wasn’t already crushed watching these horrors unfold up to this point, it would’ve combusted— shattered— _broken_ when you turned to him from your spot restrained across the room, vowels and syllables slurred around the gag, recognizable only to him as a plea of his name.

<^>

Eggsy wakes, gasping. It takes him a ridiculous amount of time to realize where he is. He’s vaguely aware that everything that just happened wasn’t real but that knowledge is only a fuzzy concept in the back of his mind as his eyes adjust to the low light streaming in from the window. He feels hands on his shoulders and your voice calling his name before his sleep-addled mind can catch up.

“Hey, there you are. It’s okay, Eggsy. Everything’s okay.”

He lets out a harsh breath, finally coming back to reality. His limbs are still heavy from the paralytic he was dosed with which is disconcerting, to say the least, after that dream. All he can do is gather you into his arms and hold you close. “ _Fuck_. I love you so much. I don’t—” he doesn’t know what he’d do if any part of that nightmare was real— or even similar. He’s been trying so hard not to think about what would’ve happened to you if those men had succeeded. All he can do right now is bury his face in your neck and let out a harsh sob.

“Eggsy, it’s alright.” You run your hand through his hair. At first, you’re panicking about what to do to help him but he’s always been good at asking for what he needs. Right now, this closeness is all you can offer. Then his body starts shaking and you feel tears against your neck. “Hey, baby, what happened?” You run your hands through his hair as he shakes his head against your neck. “You don’t have to talk about it, but if you think you can share later, I do want to know.”

It kills you to watch him as he pulls away from you, not being able to offer him any comfort as he works to get his breathing under control. When he finally does, he shakes his head. “I um— it was just a nightmare. I’m okay, I’ll be okay.”

“Just? Babe, you woke up crying.”

“I— I can’t it’s too awful.”

“Can you at least give me an idea so I can stop worrying?”

He sniffs and looks at you with red, tear-filled eyes. “It was the worst nightmare I’ve ever had. Worse than the ones I had when we thought Harry was dead. This one was exploring in vivid technicolor what would’ve happened to you if those men had succeeded. They took me too and I was paralyzed, forced to watch what they did to you.” He lets out a breath. “I’m so sorry.”

You sit there for a minute, trying to figure out what he’s apologizing for but you don’t understand what he could be blaming himself for. “ _For what_?”

“For coming up with all those terrible things in my nightmare. For crying in your arms and making you think about it too.”

“Oh, _Eggsy_.” You take his hands in yours, wanting nothing more than to gather him close again, but you want to see his face. More than that you need him to see your face and know that you mean every word. “I love you, but you’re being ridiculous.” He frowns and you realize that was a bad choice of words. “I’m not trying to downplay what you went through. It’s a big deal and whether you’re a secret agent who deals with catastrophes on the daily or not, this was personal. It makes sense that you’d react to it differently. There’s no right way to deal with trauma; that’s not what I’m saying. The part that’s ridiculous is the idea that you have anything to apologize for. You had a nightmare. Everybody knows that you don’t control even your good dreams. Nobody plans to wake up gasping because they had their worst fears actualized in a play they thought was real until the director yelled cut.”

He nods. “Still. Do you ever get that? Wake up feeling guilty because what your unconscious mind came up with was so bad?”

“I don’t think I have, babe. I’m also not exposed to as much graphic horror as you are with your job. It makes sense that that would happen to you. Just the fact that you’re so worked up about it proves you have nothing to apologize for.”

He nods but doesn’t seem convinced. “Thanks, love.” He leans in, cups the back of your head and kisses your forehead. “Let’s get back to sleep, yeah?” He lays down, holding up the covers so you can get comfortable before he drapes them over you again.

The two of you lie in silence for a while. Neither one of you has strayed too far from your discussion, even though you don’t exchange words as you lie there. As you muse on everything he’s said to you regarding the incident, the thing you can’t get out of your head is that small ashamed look he made right before he thanked you for brushing off his guilt. The quiet stretches long enough that you start to wonder if Eggsy has fallen asleep but soon enough, he presses himself closer to you, his arms tightening around you and you know he’s awake. Sweet as it is when he seeks you out in his sleep, his touches are lighter then. He might pull you close but he relaxes right after. Right now, he’s _clinging_ to you.”

“Hey, Eggsy?”

“Yeah?” He sniffs.

You bring your hand to his face to cup his jaw, your thumb stroking his cheek. “I just wanted to tell you that it’s okay. Everything is. I’m safe, you’re safe. It’s nobody’s fault and even if everything you’re upset about was your fault or your job to take care of— protecting me, coming up with your nightmare, that’s okay too.”

He lets out a breath against your neck. It’s not quite relief— it’s too harsh for that— but it lets you know that you said exactly what he needed to hear.

—0—

About a year passes with Eggsy safe— not consistently, but he’s here now, with his head in your lap and your hand in his hair as the credits to the movie you were watching roll.

“Hey.” He turns on his back so he can look at you.

"Hey." You smile, running your hand through his hair.

He doesn't say anything, though, just looks at you. It's not one of his usual love-struck stares. Right now, he's analyzing. He's still relaxed, but he's searching for something in your face.

"What's going on in there?" You tap his temple.

He sighs and sits up. “So, our anniversary is comin’ up.”

“I know. Three years.”

He nods. “Do we need to address the elephant in the room?”

“What? Almost getting abducted and you ending up on a ventilator for the better part of 12 hours?”

“Yeah, that.”

“What’s there to address?”

“I’ve wanted to ask you about it a few times, but I didn’t want to remind you if you weren’t already thinkin’ about it.”

“That’s thoughtful, Eggsy, but I want you to feel free to talk to me. About anything, anytime.”

“I do, I promise. I wasn’t scared of your reaction, just— I love you. Don’t want you hurtin’, ever. Especially not because I brought up something we’re both tryin’ to forget.”

“You’re sweet.” You lean in and kiss his forehead. “What did you want to ask me about it?”

“How you’re doin’; if you ever think about it; if you’ll be able to celebrate our relationship with it looming over us.”

“I was lucky. I’m doing fine. I don’t have PTSD, I never even needed therapy for it. I think Agent Tequila’s idea was largely to thank for that. Besides for beating them in the first place, getting to demand answers from them, taking down a whole crime ring, that was amazing. If you had been safe, I would’ve gotten a little high off it. It helped me feel safe and in control.”

He nods. “That’s good. I’m not going to lie, despite what I said that night, I resented him for a while after that. I _was_ upset that he went against protocol like that, especially when you were the one he was supposed to be keeping safe before anything else. But if it helped as much as you say, I guess I should’ve been buying him drinks every night.”

You shrug. “It helped, I know that much. Yeah, sometimes I think about it. It's a random thought that sneaks up on me, or if we’re watching something and somebody’s in that type of danger. But it’s not paralyzing. It's fairly easy for me to shake off. As long as I don’t dwell on it, I’m fine. What about you? I know when you woke up you felt guilty; like you didn’t do enough. Were you ever able to get past that?”

“I try not to think about it too. I’m thankful every day that you didn’t need me— admire you for it. I have to focus on that. I will always do everything in my power to keep you safe, but I think at some point I was finally able to take your words to heart when you said that it’s not my job. My job in this relationship is to love and support you. Anything else is just something I want to do _because_ I love you.”

You grab him by his neck and pull him in for a kiss. “I’m proud of how far you’ve come, babe. I know it wasn’t an easy place for you to get to.”

“Thanks, love.” He leans in and gives you another peck. “So, you want to do something for our anniversary?”

“Fuck yes. Those fuckers aren’t going to take that day from us.”

He grins. “No, they aren’t.”


End file.
